.glory days.

Don't we all have moments when we think back to the 'good old days' and reminisce. I do this often, reflecting on old times, old friends and old relationships. I sometimes feel a tug of sadness, because I realize that the world has moved on. The opportunities that I wasted then are never coming back, and some friends are lost forever. You can't take back the things you said or did - so even now that you know you were wrong you have to live with it and deal.

Most of the time reminiscing brings back fond memories and puts a smile on my face. Other times, I remember how I hurt someone and wish that I could go back in time to change it.

There are lots of boys that I dated that I treated badly. I wish I could tell them that I was sorry, and have them know I meant it - even though I am probably flattering myself and they don't even remember. There are a select few that come to mind here - Derek for one, whom I told I was cheating on him (when I wasn't) so I would have a good excuse to break up with him when the truth was I was just bored. There was Steve, who I didn't date - but I did hurt when I lead him on and then dropped immediately when someone else came into view that I perceived as being 'cooler'. Jack was one too, though that is resolved now I still feel guilty that I though dating an older guy with a car was more important than dating someone who genuinely cared about me.

I remember friends that I betrayed, fellow students I harassed - all in the name of fitting in and beign accepted.

It so isn't worth it. And you would think that after 8 years I would forget all about it but I still have twinges of guilt when I remember something like that.

The thing that got me thinking about this tonight, was that I was thinking about an old boyfriend. In all truth, he was my first love and it took me forever to move on after we broke up. I remember the crazy highs I felt being with him, and how it made me happier than anything ever could. I had never experienced anything like that before. But then we moved; it ended, and I fell apart. About 6 months later I saw him again, and had one of those regrettable moments I was talking about. He had a girlfriend, someone that I knew well and considered a friend - but I kissed him anyways. And that was a huge deal. After that I haven't seen him again. I always wonder where he is, what he is doing, is he married/have kids, etc. And I know it doesn't matter but I guess a little part of me won't ever let go of him. Is that even normal? I finally, after years of looking, did find him online with classmates. I sent a hello message, but not much more than that.

I'm not sure that all of this has a point. I feel I've run off on a different tangent now than when I started.

All I know, with all these revisited memories - I really dread Paige going to high school.