It's already over

I spent another 6 hours at the hospital today. I went at 230 for my appointment for the ultrasound as planned. I didn't get any information from her. They sent me down to emergency to follow up, since I was there yesterday. I sat for an hour and a half before reminding them that I haven't been given any results yet. So they take me back to the crazy room. And I am not joking.. when I was a guard there this is the room where the put the violent patients, suicide risks, etc.. until they were to be seen. Security cameras on the ceiling, one padded bench bolted to the floor. I knew that couldn't be good. There, the doctor tells me that they can't see any evidence of a pregnancy, but they were going to draw blood to check my levels to be sure, in case the dates were off. So they take me out to the waiting room, crying my face off, where I waited another 3 hours for the blood test results. My HCG levels dropped from yesterday, and the pregnancy is over.

I have a hard time accepting that I have miscarried - I just found out I was pregnant and all of a sudden I am not.

I am not sure what to do with that. Jack is fairly upset as well, and was talking about trying in the future. For all the crap he gives me, he really does come through in times like these. He has been nothing but supportive and attentive. I am glad for that.

As for how I feel.. I am not sure how to describe it. Hollow. And in disbelief. I knew it was hard when people went through this but I guess I never really got it until now.

I am taking tomorrow off. I don't want to answer questions at work, since I opened my big mouth already. I assumed everything would be fine, I didn't have a single complication with either Paige or Tobias.

:( I am surprised by how sad this makes me.